Blood Red
by IlovemyDeanBean
Summary: Jinter written to "My Immortal". for Jayta


my immortal  
i'm so tired of being here  
suppressed by all of my childish fears  
**************************  
She tucked her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on her knees.The  
tighter she curled into herself, the more she seemed to repell the wind.  
Keeping away the ash from someone's cigarette. Ignoring the rain that  
started to fall.  
  
Jing Mei looked up towards the ash, towards the burning tobacco."I thought  
you quit".  
  
The shadow chuckled."I did, but...something came up and I started again".  
  
Something about his laugh made her stomach turn, each pore on her arm tingle  
like she was bathing in bleach."It's a nasty habit".  
  
He chuckled again."You don't think I don't know that, Deb? I am a doctor".  
  
Jing Mei uncurled herself, her arms and legs covered in black wool looking longer  
than they really were, and strecth. She stood next to him, and reached into his  
jacket pocket, pulling out a cigarette."Some doctor.I haven't seen you here, in  
forever".  
  
He shook his head. His dark brown hair had gotten shaggy, and a piece fell over his  
eye. Jing Mei winced as her heart leapt. She could see the ring on his finger. She  
could see ...too much.  
  
"I had things I had to take care of" his voice got husky.  
  
Jing Mei looked down at the cement, watching the puddles of rain spread out into  
the street. Like arms, reaching for..."You could have told me you were leaving, John".  
  
******************************  
and if you have to leave  
i wish that you would just leave  
because your presence still lingers here  
and it won't leave me alone   
*******************************  
  
"Can I tell you a story?" he stood on the edge of the El train waiting area.  
His arms outspread, waiting for the quick, brutual breeze of the fast  
moving train to re-start his wounded wings."It's about this boy..."  
  
Jing Mei tucked her legs back up under her, resting her chin between her  
knees. This time she shivered, smelling the thick tobacco on her pink coat.  
Smelling him so close.  
  
"Who thought everything would be okay if he found someone to love. But it  
wasn't. Because the girl he picked, turned him away". Carter ran a hand through  
his hair, his back to the curled up Jing Mei."But he held onto her, because  
as far back as he could remeber, all he wanted was her."  
  
********************************  
these wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase  
********************************  
  
It was a reoccuring dream. That she held him against her, his blood soaking through  
her pure, snow white wedding dress. That, in the middle of the church, she stripped  
off the even heavier silk, and screamed, her pale skin stained red. Pink.  
  
"Did I hurt you?" he sat back down on the cement bench, trying carefully to  
not even nudge her.  
  
Jing Mei shook her head, eyes closed."Why would you think that?"  
  
"You seemed stuck in this nightmare" he stroked her cheek. "Does it have  
anything to do with me, coming back?"  
  
She nodded slowly.  
  
"I'm sorry I hurt you" he answered.  
  
"We were getting married, and I was in all white" her voice started off shaky, and quiet.  
But as she went on with the story, she started to find her strength again."You fell, and I  
held you against me, and the dress..."  
  
Carter leaned over and wiped a falling tear with his thumb.  
  
************************  
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears  
and i've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me  
************************  
  
The lights flicked on and off at the El station. It cast shadows against his face,making  
his nose look stronger, his cheeks sharper."It was like dying".  
  
She swallowed hard, still rubbing her arms frantically to warm herself up.  
  
"To cut off everything you feel, because she was so ashamed of feelings. Any..outspoken signs,  
any surprise words, and you had to be bi-polar. She doesn't cry, Deb". He crouched next to her  
on the bench, hugging his knees."She doesn't cry".  
  
"Unlike me" Jing Mei whispered.  
  
The blue light made her look porcelain. Made her look fragile. She rocked back and forth, tears  
slipping faster and faster down her cheeks."It means you're human" he answered, "You're warm  
and your heart is open to anything".  
  
Carter kneeled down in front of her, taking her mitten covered hands in his."There's nothing  
wrong with showing your emotions.Means you're fragile, and you're strong".  
  
Jing Mei turned her face away from him, trying so hard not to show him her quivering lip,  
the frantic tears in her eyes.  
  
*****************************  
you used to captivate me  
by your resonating light  
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind  
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me  
*****************************  
  
"I just told myself you were dead" her jaw tensed. Jing Mei sat straighter,her eyes dodging  
his face. Avoiding the big, wet eyes, the shock frozen on his face from her words."You were  
dead to me, because you left, and didn't tell me".  
  
"Deb-"  
  
"I know, it was...what felt right at the time. I understand that. Trust me" her stomach started  
to turn again."Nothing is easier than running away. But I had to see her everyday, knowing it  
was her fault I had lost my best friend. It was her fault you were gone."  
  
"Deb-"  
  
She shook her head, and stood up, taking his place at the edge of the platform."I thought about  
dying when I was trying to figure out what I would do without you".  
  
He sat on the bench, tears racing down his cheeks. When he cried, he didn't make a sound. Not one  
whimper or cry left his lips. He'd learned to let go in secret when he was with her. He learned to  
keep everything in. No one wanted to know how he felt.  
  
No one cared.  
  
She headed down the stairs clutching the metal railing tightly. Cold against heat. She wanted her skin  
to attach and tear. To feel pain. Carter crying was supposed to ignite something in her. But it didn't. So  
she ran.  
  
"Deb! DEB!!!"  
  
*********************************  
these wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase  
***********************************  
  
She twirled around on the porch. This was the closest she would ever get to flying, and she wanted nothing  
more than to fly away. He was there, watching her through the oleander bush. But she kept spinning, spinning until  
she couldn't feel her legs anymore. Until her arms wanted to fall to her sides, and she collasped in heap of sobs  
and heartache.  
  
"I didn't mean to hurt you" he said quietly.  
  
Jing Mei stood up and went back inside, leaving her front door open for him.  
  
*************************************  
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears  
and i've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me  
*************************************  
  
She came down the stairs in a red robe. A bright, blood red robe, tied loosely  
around her waist. Jing Mei's eyes were red, bloodshot. Under her eyes were  
swollen from all her tears.  
  
Carter sat down on her couch, staring at her as she stood in front of him.  
He sat there, in his coat and scarf. His eyes not blinking, his mouth not   
moving.  
  
Jing Mei let the silk fall from her shoulder. She never took her eyes off  
of him as she started to let the robe fall. Looking away, she looked up to see  
him standing before her, holding the robe together. He touched her cheek,  
touched her neck.  
  
"I didn't know how else to show you.." she started to cry. Tilting her head  
Carter kissed her hard, his hand clutching her cheek, pressing his fingers  
into her pale skin.  
  
"I didn't know how else for you to see.."   
  
He kissed her again,moving his hands down to her shoulders.  
***************************  
  
When she woke up, the blankets on the floor, Jing Mei sat up.  
  
The apartment was dark, and cold. A window was open, blowing a lantern  
she had placed over her dining room table.She sat up, looking around  
for shadows. Shadows that would touch her, make her melt, then tell her  
whatever she needed to hear.  
  
But she was alone.  
  
And the apartment, her couch, smelled of cigarettes.  
  
*You have two messages* Holding her bright red robe the color of blood  
to her chest, she listened to his far away voice, telling her that he still  
loved her, missed her. And that he would be home, soon.  
  
**********************************  
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
and though you're still with me  
i've been alone all along  
  
******************************** 


End file.
